Thursday, 2 March 2023

Friend or Foe: Whom to Trust?

Company of Angels?

We are told, a friend in need is a friend indeed.  We are also told that friends are like angels who are ready to lend a finger to hold on to and a shoulder to cry on.  They mingle with you on a daily basis.  They know your strengths, weaknesses, blackspots, and almost everything.  There is a kind of heart-to-heart exchange of notes on a daily basis.  Over the years, you placed all the cards in their hands.  You went out of the way in order to help someone crying for help.  You sacrificed your time, money, and effort on a number of occasions. You shared their grief and got involved in matters that have dragged you into messy, embarrassing situations, You spent money left and right in order to ensure solace and comfort to the so-called holy cows.   In a brutally competitive world, you thought you need to stand by your friend(s) in order to survive and flourish. You left no stone unturned while trying to extend emotional support apart from financial help on a number of occasions.  It was a pretty joyful journey spanning many, many years. Every moment spent in the company of the soulmates —you were certain were blissful, golden moments.  It was all a thing of the past you realize on the day when the tables suddenly turned against you.    

Sukh Ke Sab Saathi Dukh Mein Na Koi

You are in trouble now.  You got trapped due to reasons not known to you.  The evil forces seem to have laid the trap.  The exit options are few and with every passing moment, the troubles—real or imaginary—seem to multiply.  You remain unfazed, unmoved, and not at all perplexed. The reason is simple; you have a vast army of friends who would come to your rescue and save you from awkward moments of any or every kind.  You begin to knock at the doors of comrades, associates, colleagues, and acquaintances from the Holy book preserved by you.  A series of calls remain unanswered. The people who borrowed your hard-earned money for buying daily groceries and cigarettes seem to have found a new companion.  The ones who walked into your bedroom at midnight seeking your help seem to have gone into a deep slumber.  The ones who had free lunch in your home almost every alternate day seem to have forgotten your name. 

Traitors, conspirators & turncoats

Therefore, be wary of friends for they are the ones who betray you in no time. You learn now that they were jealous.  They resented your success and popularity.  They did not like the way you were crossing milestones in your professional life.  They swallowed the agony in silence for a painfully long time   The problem was that you often did not know your friends as well as you imagined.  They seem to have agreed with you, in order to avoid an argument.  They played a cover-up story all along in order to suppress their evil thoughts and negative feelings.  All the time they were singing a song in front of you glorifying your achievements beyond description.  You believed those comments as genuine and real.  Now when life has turned upside down, you are able to draw the curtain between friends and foes.  Each passing day you realize that the same friend whom you trusted most has joined hands gleefully with your enemies in order to settle scores.  Most others seem to have put their self-respect, dignity, and honesty on the mat while trying to show the door to you.  The carping & ridicule continues for days together while you are being hunted in the economic jungle. When you are able to put the finger on the problem causing trouble finally, you realize that they were resentful of everything.  Not only your success but the success of even your children.  At the first available opportunity, they are now hand in glove with your enemies in order to satisfy their insatiable hunger for revenge.

Trust your enemy

Bad moments force you to indulge in serious introspection.  You look at the ledger of plus and minus points more closely.  You are ready to look at life afresh focusing on where you were less careful, casual, and reckless.  You begin to appreciate why the enemy is out to exploit the weak points.  Either you have to fight back or yield your ground meekly and surrender.  You find in hindsight you are fighting with those whom you trusted most, whom you respected most, and whom you embraced most.  Suddenly you put all your competencies and capabilities to the test.  As Robert Greene said:  “Without enemies around us, we grow lazy. An enemy at our heels sharpens our wits, keeping us focused and alert. It is sometimes better then, to use enemies as enemies rather than transforming them into friends or allies.” The enemy would make you think twice before initiating action.  You are compelled to generate multifarious options before marrying one.  Forceful, innovative, and creative actions replace casual, reckless, and lackadaisical moves. When you begin to tread the path cautiously, you minimize the chances of failure.  When the problem is tossed around and you kick in multiple ways to attack it ruthlessly putting all your energies to work, solutions surface almost from nowhere.  You realize you are at your best when confronted with problems created by the joint army of friends & foes moving hand in hand.  Remember the saying: ‘the wise man profits more from his enemies than a fool from his friends’.  Knowing what would happen if you put a finger in the mouth of a lion, you would stay clear of it.  With friends, you will have no such caution, and when you begin to trust them, they will eat your life with ingratitude—trying their best to remove your glorious name from the corporate lexicon.  As Greene rightly concluded:  ‘never let the presence of enemies upset or distress you—you are far better off with a declared opponent or two than not knowing where your real enemies lie’. 

(with grateful acknowledgments to Robert Greene, “The 48 Laws of Power”, Profile Books) 

 

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